The Pendulum

James-L-bike-11-x-17

I’m feeling the always bizarre planetary pull between the two universes I live in. Yesterday I sat digging through a giant tub of zinnia debris hunting for their little arrowhead-shaped seeds and placing them into envelopes to ship off to someone, somewhere. Today I will be in the Lincoln Tunnel in a van filled with musical instruments and bandmates.

The pendulum swings back and forth here continually. I find it hard to keep up.
Especially during the winter.

Dot-11-x-17

I am alone in my studio. I heat vegetable oils on my stovetop. I grind herbs in my coffee grinder. I weigh out essential oils. I wipe soap flakes off the dining room table. I sort through jars of seeds hunting for the chamomile (I am always losing the chamomile). I move around books filled with pictures of wildflowers. I sit at my computer and switch between Photoshop and Illustrator. I shrink files. I save for web & devices. I copy vectors. I sift through css and html code. I rewrite code. I rewrite the code I just rewrote.

I wind instrument cable. I write set lists. I pack drumsticks and snare stands in suitcases.
I talk to sound engineers about DIs. I catalog merch.
I pack up CDs and tshirts and stickers and posters.
I haul amplifiers. I sing into microphones. I shake hands.

One day I’m in bed at 7pm, working on postcard designs until 10.
The next night I won’t even have gotten on stage until 11:30.

Bull-11-x-17

Does growing tired happen in your thirties? In my twenties I was full of hope and idealism and I had the energy to keep up. Now I find myself questioning if the hard work will ever really “pay off.” I’m not even sure what kind of a pay off I’m looking for. More money in the bank? More feelings of success? Fewer feelings of failure? More recognition? Vacation?

Let’s be honest. I think I just need a little sunlight on my face.

2 thoughts on “The Pendulum

  1. I know exactly what you are talking about. You always think you’re going to get to a point in time where you can stop for a bit to recharge, and then it just doesn’t happen. I’ve been trying to consciously slow down a bit. Things aren’t meant to go-go-go all the time. (Even the plants stop “working” for a while in the winter.) It’s very hard to strike a balance! I keep thinking about road trip vacations… lol, preferably somewhere warm 🙂

    • As my father always says: “I’ll sleep when I’m dead!”
      I can only hope it’s as enjoyable then 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s