COLD

frankie's-treebw

“Something weird is happening,” I told Eric.

He was standing in the doorway to our bedroom putting on his longjohns. I was racing down the end of the hallway to look at a defunct thermostat that now serves only as a thermometer. Then I ran down the stairs.

When he came down I had another thermometer in my hands. It was the one that used to hang outside until its metal casing broke. Now I keep it in the pantry so I can feel simultaneously good and bad about how cold it is in the kitchen. “Oh Good!” I think to myself “it’s 45 degrees in here. Perfect for onions and squash.” And then, also: “Oh No. It’s 45 degrees in here. Not perfect for humans.”

I try not to look at the thermometer too much. I have it tucked in a basket, obscured by a potato bag. But I pulled it out and brought it to the living room to double check our thermostat which was reading 54 degrees. The heat had been set at 60 for over an hour.

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“Something weird is happening,” I repeated.
Eric just laughed at me and looked out the window which had formed a thin layer of ice on the inside.
He pointed to the rhododendron whose leaves had curled up so tightly they looked like pencils.
“I think it’s just cold,” he said.

He was right. Neither our thermostat nor our furnace were broken. It was just -14 degrees F outside.

The day before I’d gone into the cellar to empty the dehumidifier. But the dehumidifier was already empty and the number on the display read 99%. It would have been raining down there if that was right. It was not raining. You can understand my skepticism of digital displays.

Pianos-show-poster-the parlor-tarot-cop

Also all of our clocks are wrong.
Eric thinks this helps him to not be late.
The clock in our bedroom is 15 minutes fast.
The one in the car is 20 minutes fast.
The one on the thermostat is 10 minutes fast.

I never know what time it really is.
Or the temperature.
Or the humidity.

But who needs that stuff anyway?
The rhododendrons are open today. Flat like sheets of paper.
Or leaves. Flat like leaves should be flat and not all curled up and looking like pencils.
And it feels like Bermuda outside.
If Bermuda were 23 degrees F.

PS Eric designed these show posters for us. Maybe you will join us there?

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